Opposites might attract but...

Today is the anniversary of my wife and I getting married. It was thirteen years ago. These have been wonderful years and I would do it again in a minute. My wife and I knew each other for years before I finally wised up and asked her out. I thought I knew what I wanted in a wife but I was wrong. I'm not sure how you come to this conclusion but I came to it by realizing the limitation of the "Opposites attract" statement. It's fine when you're talking about magnetic material. Yes, the opposite poles attract and get together. Then they are stuck! It's not like they chose to be together. They just blindly joined and now only an external force can separate them. And yes, lots of times people who are opposites are attracted to each other. But being attracted to each other and being right for each other are very different things.

What I found that finally got me to realize how "right" my wife was for me was that for a relationship to really work and to blossom, there must be a lot of common ground. Shared interests are very important. Shared values are even more important. And shared respect is extremely important. I first noticed this when we were both part of a group in our church that was asked to form a "contemporary music worship team". The church was going to start a separate service with more contemporary music that might appeal to younger people. There were about seven or eight people at the first meeting and the pastor asked for some suggestions for songs. The other people in the group started shouting out suggestions and singing parts of them. My future wife and I both had suggestions but they were overlooked because we weren't shouting them out and "selling" them to the group. So, we sat back and watched and later performed the songs the others had suggested. But my wife and I were actually the two most accomplished musicians in this group. She had been part of a group like this in another church (and played both the piano and guitar) and I was the member of a couple of musical groups outside the church (as well as a pianist for the regular church service and member of the choir). I looked at her during the meeting and saw the look on her face and recognized it as the feeling of disappointment inside me.

Another time I remember was when the church was having a get-together for the young people of the church and my future wife called me to tell me about it. I remember getting all excited that she was asking me to go to this event and made sure that was there early so I could talk with her and sit next to her. We talked a lot during the evening and I was getting happier and happier until I heard the guy on her other side say he was sure enjoying himself and was glad she had asked him to this party! I was crushed. She had just been in charge of calling all the people in the church who might be interested in this party. She wasn't asking me (or the other guy) to the party to be her date. But it made me realize how much I liked her. It made me realize what a mistake I was making in not pursuing her.

When I finally asked her out on a date (although I made it sound like it wasn't a date in case she rejected me or didn't have a good time), we drove into the city to go to some music stores and to have lunch. In contrast to every other date I had ever been on, I was not nervous at all! And we had no trouble talking about things. When we talked later about this "date", we were both amazed how much fun it was and how relaxing it was to not have to put on airs for the other person. We had so many shared interests and shared values that we just always wanted to be together to talk about (and learn more about) the things we both loved.

Being married is the best thing that ever happened to me. I love my wife more than ever. Our only regret is that we didn't get married sooner.