A sad and awful day

Mom with her 12-day old grandson in 1996

As you may guess from my last post, my mother has passed away. She died last night around 9:30 pm. She was peaceful and pain-free but she wasn't really aware of me being with her in the final moments of her life. But I am glad she wasn't struggling and I am glad she is now at peace. She is with God and with my father and I am happy that she is finally free of the body that gave her such anguish in the final years of her life. She was happy to see us each day but distracted by the aches, pains and anxiety. She was 91 years old.

Yes, she was anxious because she thought she needed to be doing things even when she couldn't do the things she wanted to do. She used to have a ritual at bed-time of getting her thinning hair in place and putting a hair net on so it would be easier to get ready in the morning. She liked to have a small felt throw (a 3 x 5 ft blanket) inside the bed so she could snuggle her feet inside so they wouldn't get cold during the night. She liked to have a small bag of cookies ready in case she got hungry during the night - and the cookies always had to be some Pecan Sandies, some Golden Oreos and some Lorna Doones. She needed to have a glass of water ready during the night in case she got thirsty. This was all necessary because she had trouble moving because the arthritis was so bad in all of her joints - especially her knees.

So, even though she depended on me to do those things for her at night (except for fixing her hair - she did that) , she would worry about it all day as if I might not be there each night to do them for her. I'd show up every day around 5:30 pm and she'd tell me she was worried that I might not get there. I specifically used that time to show up every day so she'd know to expect me at that time and not worry but she couldn't help herself. I think the worry and anxiety were as much trouble to her as her many medical problems. The bad knees, the weak heart, the water accumulation in her lungs, the weak kidneys, the overactive bladder, the frequent attacks of gout and cellulitis. And later the pancreatitis and the trouble swallowing so that water and food would go down her windpipe instead of her esophagus. She had so many problems it was no wonder she was anxious. Even when she felt relatively pain free, she worried about when it would return.

The picture here is one of her happy times. She had flown in an airplane all by herself (she hated to fly) to come to stay with us when our son was about to be born and she stayed and helped us as we learned to be parents. She is 71 years old in this picture but was so vital. There was little hint of the trouble ahead except for some worries about her heart and the fact that she'd had tuberculosis in her kidneys when she was very young. She went back to her home after a few weeks, though, with the promise she'd come back again for a visit and would think about moving up here. She didn't move here for another 18 years and by then, most of the problems she would later have were in full force.

I am thankful my mother was with us those last couple of years of her life so I was able to help her. It was hard seeing her so full of pain and worry. It's good to know she's at peace again.