The phantom police car

In this earlier blog post, I said I would try to write down stories from my childhood so my children could see how I learned as I grew up. Nothing is worse for a child (or young adult or anyone for that matter) than to think they should have all the answers and abilities they will need in life at a young age. And I think we, as adults, often assume that children (and young adults or anyone) should be as experienced as we are at their young age. We must remember what it was like when we were young and making mistakes. And we need to let our children know that it is not the end of the world when they make a mistake. So, I am going to try to remember stories about when I was unsure of myself or found myself in a difficult situation. Then my children can benefit from my struggle and mistakes.

Now, all that being said, this is a story from my teenage years and is not going to be a great lesson to anyone. It's just a funny story and my kids enjoyed it when I told it to them.

I was in a drum and bugle corps and had some great friends in that group and we often got together to go see other drum corps and marching bands in competitions when we got a chance. So, one time when four of us were driving home from one of those shows, we found ourselves behind a bunch of cars going a lot slower than teenagers in a car want to go. The guy driving the car was the director of our drum corps and was older (in his twenties) than the two of us in the back seat. The other guy in the front of the car was an old friend of the corps director. They had gone to high school together and knew each other better than us. So, as our frustration grew at the slow drive, our two older companions looked at each other and said something like, "It's time." Apparently, they'd been in this situation before and had a plan they'd used before. To their credit, they didn't do anything dangerous like try to pass the three or four cars in front of us. They didn't do anything annoying like beep the horn or flash the high beams to get the cars to move. They were the kind of guys you could trust to do the right thing. But not necessarily, exactly, the lawful thing.

They rolled down their windows, stuck their heads out and made an amazingly accurate recreation of a police siren with their voices. It was loud and clear but the the two of us in the backseat had to wonder if it would really work. The "siren" kept going for a while with no response from the cars in front of us but then, improbably, we saw a turn signal go on and the car directly in front of us pulled over. When that happened, the second car in front must have thought, "Well, I don't see a police car or flashing lights but that guy behind me must have seen it so I'll pull over, too." And the ripple effect worked. All the cars in front of us pulled over, too. Our driver knew it would work and he was ready. Off we zoomed and I thought I was going to die - not from dangerous driving but from laughter.

Now, after telling my children this story, for the first time, I wondered how long those poor cars stayed off the road. Obviously there was no police car so how long did they wait before deciding that they'd been had? I hope they enjoyed it as much as we did.

Like a cat in the night

When I get up at night and don't turn on the lights (to keep from disturbing my wife), I have to be careful because I could trip over one of our cats. Why don't they get out of the way? Cats have great night vision and surely know I'm heading toward them. But cats are also lazy and only move if they have to move. I think the problem is that they assume we also have good night vision, like them, and will walk around them. Why wouldn't we have good night vision? Can't everyone see well in the dark? It makes no sense - to a cat.

Our cat Henry not ready to move

Well, we all know that's not the way it works. But we act like that in our own life. We're driving along in our car and surely everyone can see us. Surely everyone is as alert as we are. Surely no one is driving drunk or having a medical emergency or have an argument on their phone or falling asleep because they are coming home from work 18 straight hours at the hospital.

It's not just driving. If there is a government shutdown, why don't the furloughed workers just get a loan to tide them over? If you have an ache or are feeling sick, why not just go to the doctor? If you're lonely, why just go somewhere there are other people? These questions come from people who are either well-to-do or just fortunate.

My goal is to be less like a cat and try to think that everyone in the world doesn't have the same perceptions, abilities and benefits as I do. It's not just about driving. It's about how I interact with other people all day. The other person may be in a bad mood not because of me but because of something bad happening in their life. I need to be more empathetic and ask questions and not just offer "solutions".

Stories from my childhood

My kids and I were talking and my daughter mentioned how she gets nervous when needing to talk with people about things or needing to tell someone that she needs something. I thought it might help her by talking about difficulties I've had when I was younger, too. In fact, I'm going to try to find more instances of things I struggled with when I was younger so I can let my children know I had problems like they do.

This is a story from when I was in the second grade. I was about 7 years old. I always had trouble talking in front of a group. And I always had trouble memorizing things. Interestingly, I could memorize things if I wasn't purposely trying to memorize them. But as soon as the pressure of being forced to memorize was put on me, my brain froze!

In the second grade, we had to memorize poems and recite them in front of the class once a month. The teacher, to her credit, allowed us to volunteer to speak. She would allow a few students to recite each day until everyone had done that month's poem. I always waited until the end of the month.

My mother knew I had to do this and worked especially hard with me to help me memorize the poem. I would finally learn them but the standing in front of the class was what held me back. So, she would give me some kind of treat when I told her that I'd recited the poem. One month, I remember was especially trying. I don't remember why but I was putting it off and my mother asked me each day if I had finished and I finally just said yes - I had recited the poem. I hadn't, of course. It scares me how easily I lied when I was younger. I knew it was wrong but I guess I thought it was better to lie and, maybe, get away with something than to tell the truth and suffer.

Mom gave a sigh of relief and gave me the treat (I forget what she would give me). I just assumed I'd do the recitation on the last day of the month as usual. But my mother was also a good person who helped out at the school from time to time. She came to the school one day to prepare for a party we ere having at school and she happened to talk with my teacher. Mom mentioned how happy she was that I had gotten over my fear and had recited that month's poem earlier than usual. Well, the teacher, again to her credit, knew her students and knew who had recited and who had NOT recited and let Mom know. Well, I don't remember the look exactly but I remember that it was a mixture of disappointment and anger. It was enough to scare me. I can only imagine how she felt. I had really embarrassed her and she had always told me that lying was a terrible thing to do. Why had I not just told her I was afraid?

The teacher said I could recite the poem right there and I did. Crying the whole time. I don't remember what happened after that but I know my mother would have told my father, too, and he would have been upset, too.

I would like to say that this incident broke me of my habit of procrastinating but it didn't. I still have trouble with that like when our cars are due to be inspected.