The Critic

During this Christmas season and also because my son and I are singing in the choir for the Christmas program at our church, I was reminded of the time over twenty years ago when a much different church choir went to sing in our local town mall.

I was the accompanist for the choir and I was used to using the wonderful Baldwin piano we had in the church. When the choir director considered if we could sing in the mall, she asked if I could get a portable keyboard from somewhere. I had a friend who had one and also an amplifier so I borrowed it from her. I had used it before when the band we were in performed in places without a piano but I wasn't as comfortable with it as I was with a real piano. The biggest problem I had (and still have) with playing an electronic instruments is the lack of expression in the touch. Things have gotten much, much better since then and all newer keyboards will play louder when you press the keys harder. But back then, this particular keyboard did not. You could only adjust the volume with a foot pedal. But, as I said, I'd used this keyboard before and was pretty used to that.

I had more experience in performing outside the church than any other members of the choir because  of performing in a rock band and singing in a few other choral groups. I was more worried about how the singers in our choir, mostly older women, our pastor and a couple of men, would perform.We weren't going to be doing anything fancy in our performance. We would just be singing Christmas carols from our hymnal. The old mall had surprisingly nice acoustics, though, and I was pleasantly surprised at how well the singers adjusted to the different acoustics than they were used to in church. We sounded pretty good for a small group of about twelve people.  Most people just walked by and smiled. A few people stopped for a while but not many. Then I noticed an old woman who did stop and stayed. She didn't look happy but I thought maybe she was just having a bad day. We'd lift her spirits! I played my best and tried to keep the tempo up. Then I started to notice that she was looking at me. I tried to ignore that and concentrate on the music. But between songs, I couldn't help but feel the weight of her gaze. Whenever I snuck a peek in her direction, I'd see her: immobile, unchanging, accusing. I had played in a lot of different situations and I knew I was a pretty good pianist. I looked at it as a challenge to cheer this woman up. I thought the choir sounded nice. We performed together well and there was no reason she shouldn't like us.

Finally, I saw a little change in her face. She actually seemed to have softened a bit. Did I see the hint of a smile? Then I noticed she left her spot across the hallway and was walking toward us. We'd broken through. The wonderful words from the old hymn writers about our wonderful Lord's birth had melted her resistance. She was going to have a good Christmas after all! She came right over to me a declared, "They're doing a good job," motioning toward the choir, "but you're terrible." She continued, "You're dragging them down." And with that, she left. Everyone was stunned but I was devastated. I'd never had anyone say those things to me. Our pastor, who also sang in the choir, said, "Don't worry too much. She used to come to our church but she left years ago." Somehow, that didn't make it better.