Why we wait

We've all been in this situation. You get to a traffic light just as it is changing from yellow to red and you have to stop. As you sit there, no one is using the cross street where the light is green. This is one of those dumb lights that just changes on a timer. It doesn't know whether there is traffic or not. It just changes when the timer says to change. So, you sit and wait for no reason. Then, off in the distance, you see cars coming toward you. You know the light is not going to change until they get there. It almost seems like they can time their arrival to the second the light changes to green! It doesn't seem fair. What do you do?

I think most people wait for the light change - and then wait while the "late comers" go through the light first. At least I wait. And do you know why? Because I know the minute I go through a red light, a cop is going to show up. Or I'll find that he was hiding there all along. Yes, part of it is because it is the rule and you're supposed to follow the rules. And, in the one in a million chance that you go through the red light and someone comes out of nowhere and you hit them, you have no excuse. So, is it worth saving a minute (and that's all it usually is) to take that chance? I don't think so. I'll be honest, the big temptation to go through the light is because I imagine someone is watching me just sit there for no apparent reason. I think that they are thinking, "What's he waiting for?"

Then there is the reality of God. I know in my heart he is always watching me. I know he is with me all the time. I know he sees everything I do. But, being totally honest again, I don't usually think about God at a time like that. I think that he has seen me do a lot worse things than go through a red light so why would he care about this? Then I start to worry: Do I really believe in God if I can ignore him in a situation like this? Yes I believe in God but do I really believe in God? If I really believed in God, why would I do those things "worse than going through a red light"? Is he watching me or not? I try to take solace in the fact that the Apostle Paul had the same struggles.

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
Romans 7:21-25a   New Living Translation

Going through a red light is not evil but it could have terrible consequences. God still loves me even though I go through these struggles. But I can aim for a more real sense of God's presence in my life. I will pray that I imagine him watching - not to arrest me but to protect me and I must start to feel his disappointment when I don't do what I should.