What in the world am I talking about? I'll start at the beginning (cue the Clunk-Clunk sound that begins each Law and Order segment). It was a hard night to sleep and I woke early to a dreary, wet day. Far off, I could hear the foghorn sounding a mournful dirge. I knew I wouldn't be taking the K-9 Unit for his usual walk so we walked around the backyard. We live next door to a lot used by a landscaper. He lives in another town. His employees often show up early in the morning to get their equipment so I wasn't surprised to see two guys getting things out of the shed on the lot. There are a lot of guys working for the landscaper and the turnover is pretty high so I wasn't too concerned when I didn't know them. The K-9 Unit didn't act like he was worried either so I let it pass. The K-9 Unit later apologized saying he was distracted by squirrels chasing each other in the trees.
I didn't think about the guys next door until I noticed they didn't have a truck to haul all the equipment they were pulling out of the shed. Instead, they were piling it into a wheelbarrow. My K-9 partner and I started walking toward the fence but I noticed the "workers" were walking away. Not just from us but from the shed...they were splitting the whole scene, man (not only do I watch a lot of Law and Order but I saw an old episode of Peter Gunn over the weekend). The K-9 Unit and I walked around another part of the yard. Then, as we walked back over toward the fence and closer to the shed, I noticed the locked latch had been pried away from the door and the door had been left open, slowly flapping in the breeze (Am I sounding enough like Raymond Chandler?). It finally dawned on me - those two guys had broken into our neighbor's shed and had been stealing his equipment. They left when we hung around looking at them.
We went in and called the owner on the horn (isn't that what Dashiell Hammett called the phone?). He said he didn't have anyone working that morning and thanked me for keeping an eye on his place. I was glad to have helped but had to get ready for work. In about 10 minutes, though, a copper came to the door. You know - a policeman. He asked a few routine questions and said something about no one getting into the shed and nothing was missing. I knew he was wrong but I have trouble with authority figures and can't argue with them. I offered to go to the shed with him. When we did, he was surprised to see me head a different way. He had gone to the wrong shed. Now I was feeling really useful. I was feeling like a part of the team. They needed me! As we walked toward the scene of the crime, I saw a sign and, acting the part of the wise-cracking Lennie Briscoe of Law and Order, I said, "Didn't they see that 'No Trespassing' sign? They shouldn't have been here." The policeman didn't think much of my joke. It was just like all the crime novels - the police never appreciated the private investigators. When I showed him the latch that had been pried away from the shed, I looked around and saw a tool. "I'll bet this is what they used to pry off the latch," I said proudly. I was going to crack this case in no time. Then he started to put the tools, chain saws and other equipment back in the shed. "Aren't you going to check for fingerprints?" I asked disappointingly. He looked at me for a minute and then said, "Well we could have but the rain has probably washed them off. We should get this stuff out of the rain." Did I detect the hint of a smile there?
He asked which direction the "perps" (he actually just said "the guys") had walked away. I showed him and then he said, "Maybe they were locals." Then, as we were walking back to the house he said, "You know, if you would have called us first, instead of calling the owner, I might have gotten here in time to find the guys who did this." So, there it was. My big chance to nab some crooks and I'd blown it. I guess I'll just have to be satisfied with reading about crime fighters instead of becoming one.
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